Monday, September 29, 2014

A Man in Love, a wonder to behold!

It's good to see a man in Love!

A woman in love is great but to behold a man giddy in his infatuation is really a wonder to behold!

And so it has been for Mr George Clooney in these past few days up to his wedding to Amal Alamuddin. Watching it restores the idea of how love and being in love ought to be; it's suppose to 'idyllic' and euphoric.  I wanted to write about something else for this entry but I just thought I'll write something about the couple while the marriage and all are still fresh in the mind and while it speaks to me strongly.

So they had a whirlwind romance and then the wedding.
Love struck couple (Courtesy Getty)

It was pleasing to the soul watch him confess his love for Amal publicly, this eligible marriage-wary forever bachelor say how he couldn't wait to be married to her while given a speech a few weeks back. This woman bewitched him and he was so entranced that he went back on a vow not to marry again after the breakdown of his first marriage. It was good to watch it all, to see George so inspired and bursting with love and happiness -heck just watching him inspired me too lol- but I think more importantly it was good for George himself. It is good for men (despite talk to the contrary) to be heady in love. Who watching George could not but agree that he looked alive, looked healthier and happier than we have ever seen him, and a more optimistic person being so in love. Yet to hear some people talk you would think that men 'loosing themselves in love' should be avoided at all costs!
 
I don't want to idealize Amal and the circumstances around their romance but I guess it was her combination of attributes that clicked for him and was an offer he couldn't let go whereas with other women there just wasn't that final piece who knows. But one cannot doubt her intelligence(Oxford and NYU), talent and ambition in addition to femininity and beauty.
 
I am sure if you had told George last year 'George look, you have too many women at your beck and call, its not good for you. Lets change things a bit and give you a woman who you must work to get and work to impress. She wont fall into your lap, she will be as brainy as she is classy, distinctively stylish as opposed to classically doll looking,' I think George might have said, folks you are just making this thing damn complicated, give me a dolled up woman, any woman that appeals to me on sight, I just love women and enjoy like feminine company.'
 
Its not just men I suppose, many of us are quick to reach for fast foods to dull our hunger, we can be unimaginative and impatient and maybe closed off to more transcendent living and heightened being. In the area of love in particular we often don't know what's good for us and what will satisfy our souls, with our raft of prejudices and prerequisites and preferences for love to happen.
 
So like I said, it is good for men to be in heady in love -I wanted to say crazy in love but I think that phrase means something than what I think it means; I think it means psycho in love lol - to be so inspired that 'I am not good at marriage' becomes 'I damn well am gonna be so bloody good at this marriage thing because I want this woman, what else but married would I want to be'.    
 
Sadly today's dating environment breeds men who just want it in their lap like yesterday. If a woman doesn't jump to a man's call, he is off to the next. So many lazy men looking for the easy catch. Men feel personally affronted if they are made to exert some effort to 'court' a woman. Sadly I believe this attitude will mean that many will never get the opportunity to experience the heady and soaring feelings of those who have won through to love.
 
Many happy years to the happy couple!


Next post available 13th October 2014

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Sunday, September 14, 2014

We are rooting for you!

I received a lovely gift from one of my fellow Bloggers and readers, and I felt truly blessed. I can only say to S THANK YOU!
 
My last blog entry was something from my personal circumstances and you know it got me thinking about falling short on all those goals and promises we made about how we would do A or achieve B by a given deadline. Indeed sometimes when you read the writing of BWE bloggers, you can be left with the impression that the changes we require from black women are just a short walk away, but the truth is that most of the changes required to 'live well' will take anything upwards from 18 months.
 
Think about it for a second. Say you are overweight, it is possible to loose all the weight in a couple of months, but realistically anyone who has weight to loose and not just the odd flab (and that by the way is the category that most of us weight losers fall into!) will require on average a year and a few months, to sort themselves out if they are consistent that is. If they are not as consistent as they should be, the years can pretty much stretch out ahead. I know, I speak from experience (I must add here that it is important to start the journey no matter how long it will take and don't delay, make a start or a year will quickly pass by and you are still without any kind of progress no matter how little on your situation).
 
I will be writing an entry soon on the 5:2 diet which I think has so many benefits particularly for black women but for now, back to the point I am making, which is that you need to give yourself time and be patient as you steer towards your overall goal. Lets think about other things like getting yourself a good career; you might have to go back to school or start a business. It might take you two years to retrain and a good part of five years to start seeing a profit from your business. What about marriage and getting a good mate. Unless you fall into a very very lucky category of humans, from finding a man to marriage should take you on average upwards of 18 months!
 
As a modern woman use all the modern short cuts and modern 'ways and means' for speeding up your journey.
Drudgery is out! 
I am saying all this to say, don’t beat yourself up if you haven’t achieved all those lovely things you pledged you would after reading our blogs years ago now. As long as you are on the journey, keep at it and don’t loose hope. Don’t quit and you will get there. Keep striving to leave that neighborhood, to get a good job/business etc husband etc etc don’t think that you have let us and BWE down because a couple of years have past and you haven't achieved the goal you said you would at the end of that year. What lessons is life teaching you? Don't be too bitter to note the life lessons along the journey that seems unending. Remember the saying, 'Don't forget to smell the roses.' Life is really in the journey and not really the goal. You are on your own special journey different from everyone else.
 
There are some of us who preach who are also at probably the same points on the journey as you our readers. You would be very surprised to learn!
 
Next post available 30th September 2014

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Monday, September 01, 2014

Lessons from the Neighborhood


Hope you all had a good summer!


A little story for a teaching lesson:
 
My neighbor and I had called in some estate officials to bear witness to another noisy neighbor. We were thinking that we had a good case because he was in full flow at the time when we had them come on a Friday night. However when they the officials sat down to tell us what kind of noise was now classed in the unacceptable range, I almost lost it! The threshold is now so high, that to meet the noisy level range, this neighbor would probably have had to be using a pneumatic drill in his house. I am very noise sensitive and I believe I have written about other noisy neighbors in the past on this blog. This time again my worst nightmare has moved even closer to my house. 
 
Let me say that the area I live in has rapidly deteriorated from a nice lush area only 3 years ago because it was targeted by government to house social 'misfits' who were being housed in much more expensive inner London. When the price difference became just too great the government started to move 'problem folk' -which it had a duty to house- to the area. I know I will need to move but if you know anything about the way Britain is going, the South-east of England is being taken over by rich Russian Oligarchs who have a couple of millions to spare which I don't-one of the reasons we preach for black women to have wealth is for such situations where you have to move and move and move again if necessary.
Jourdan Dunn - credits to styleblazer

An article that should be celebrating the best of black womanhood becomes one emphasizing how we just love to make wrong choices, love single motherhood are always aggressive and hardship-seeking as a habit!

Anyway in my anger and upset I forgot a key message which I often and constantly preach especially to black women and that is that they should stop being taken for a ride by all this chit chat they hear about our fair societies and feeling that we will be protected by all these nice sounding government leaflets etc etc. Indeed I thought that the law and policies would protect my rights to not be disturbed at weekends by overgrown children, but what I didn’t realize (well I know but it was being painfully brought home to me really and truly in this instance) was that these 'laws' are written by an elite group of citizens to appeal to their interests and most importantly their sympathies and weird biases.
 
What am I talking about? In truth, if you are unaware, we now live in a society where the rich effectively remove themselves from the 'dregs' of society, at the same time they champion the rights of these dregs over the rest because they are in their worldview 'poor little folk who have been 'failed' by the system in some way!'-however they do not move these dregs anywhere in striking distance of them and their children. Prioritizing the underclasses particularly over honest, hard-working citizens in society has become a favorite pastime of the British elite, that it now 'pays' to be 'kept' by government than put in a honest days work for a paycheck at the bottom end of the skills market. It also means the hard working and honest pay the price (sometimes the ultimate price) for the 'indulgence' of these feral and destructive sections. I am a recovering lefty myself and used to champion the idea of 'care in the community' until a couple of folk going about their everyday business got their heads cut open by axe-men who had been 'released' into the community from mental institutions. And if you haven’t heard the latest about the rape and trafficking of over 1400 young British girls while the elite turned a blind eye because they were 'white trash' and their favorite minority class (British Muslims) was implicated in the abuse, please read a good summary here

The bible says that the rich rule over the poor, how could I have forgotten. No matter what left wingers tell you, the world is very unfair and works in favor of the rich/er and their particular interests and strange emotional attachments to folk who make life unpleasant for the rest - as long as these ones are nowhere near them of course. So no matter what people say try to get yourself to the side where you control your wealth because it is so F)&^ unfair and I felt like stamping my feet at the unfairness of it all. I started to speak up in my resentfulness of the whole unfairness of having to meet unreasonable standards of noise making proof, but from my peripheral view I noticed that my neighbor had started to 'act' to get her way, even flirted with the officers and (as she told me later), dragged her son out of bed to say how he was being kept awake because of the noise. After a while I kept my mouth shut and let her play the game she was playing. I had started speaking in my anger at the unfairness and I kind of sensed that this approach was putting the officers on the defensive (having to defend the way the policy was written regardless of how senseless it was) but this woman realized that she needed to get her way and went for the best strategy. It was her strategy that seemed to make the officials begin to see it our way and see that it was just unfair to say that we should put up with the noise because it wasn't 'high enough' - imagine that!

Folks, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, and what you gotta do sometimes is not rely on the laws and statutes being anything more than a let down. This episode was a reminder that it pays to play the best strategy than whine about the unfairness of the situation. We all have just about 657,000 hours (give or take) on this planet and we need to live most of it in peace and comfort!



Next post available 15th September 2014

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Saturday, June 14, 2014

Painstaking is how it must be sometimes

Certain journeys in life will involve you building brick by brick. It can be discouraging and off putting but only by laying one brick on top of another can you get to the end goal. I am learning the need for patience with myself in a number of these situations.


Goodbye and Goodnight Karlheinz
 
 
 
Karlheinz the Actor
 
Some of you might have seen this play out in your search for the right diet for you. Because of your own particular psychology calorie counting might not have worked. You might have tried dozens of methods, approaches and each tried 10 times before discarding. At the end you realise one particular method with a strange individual twist will give you the results you desire, and then you plateau and have to start the discovery process all over again. The idea is never to give up. If you are a single woman you might have got to a point where you realize that you have to discard everything you know or have been told about settling down, and painstakingly map out a new strategy by trial and error. Some of us realized that we had to start from scratch with how to put ourselves together, diet and fitness and then putting ourselves in prime locations to meet guys. You might have come to this realization after years of thinking it would just happen, or those precious years sitting up in church praying and thinking one of the few brothers would take notice. But realising there is a journey ahead can require you gathering yourself and purposefully setting out.

I went to watch the film 'Edge of Tomorrow' with Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt.
I don’t want to give too much away however one thing I really dug about the film was the pain-staking way they followed and tested each strategy until they arrived at the successful method to their goal of destroying the enemy. At one point the character played by Tom Cruise admitted that they had tested just one little section of the process a dizzying 300 times! It requires watching to understand but suffice it to say that sometimes you have to build your strategy to success by painstaking trail and error, noting down what works and what doesn’t, testing your theories in real life circumstances until you can say, 'I know the way.' Then you become an expert with a deeper insight. And you know that you know, that you know how to get there!

 
Halima is out for the Summer. See you Aug 30!

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Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Find a way to get back in touch with the joy and pleasure of being a Female (which essentially means being different from males)

It's getting hard to feel in touch with and positive about being a woman in our western society today, and I don’t say this because of real misogyny and attacks against the female of the species that we hear about everyday, especially in areas of the world where the female is basically still seen as an appendage to all other sorts of other agendas outside herself. I think there is a concerted and wrong-headed campaign to flatten all the difference that exists between men and women in a way that has backfired on the positivity towards being female.

I am increasingly experiencing irritation at women in western world endlessly complaining about 'the sky falling in' because some male said something out of turn. In addition, when I look at what is happening to young women in say Nigeria and compare it with the incessant bleating of women in the West about what is comparatively 'small fry' issues, I cant help but feel that something is all very wrong about the way western woman approach being female and maybe something very careless also given the examples of real suffering (yes I said real), that are all about and of which these same women become curiously silent when confronted with - or suddenly start hemming hawing about 'cultural sensitivity' and how we shouldn't judge 'other cultures'.

School girls (mostly Christian) captured by the Islamic sect Boko Haram
 
Each day I open the pages of a newspaper I come across the latest complaint of western womanhood about 'casual sexism', the latest overheard gaffe of some highly placed male and why this is a sign of deep rooted misogyny etc etc. Meanwhile, real attacks are happening, the latest being the plight of mostly Christian school girls kidnapped in Nigeria by an Islamic sect Boko Haram and likely turned in slave-'wives'. I wish for drone-fire to rain down on these savages and their enablers and harbourers. It's too bad for these girls that they have been kidnapped at a time in the world when sensitivity to all things 'Islamic' prevents the world from getting ruthless with these un-evolved excuses for humans or even naming the activities of these savages for what it really is.

It is amazing that despite real and deadly misogyny having free reign in many of these third world nations, the women there are still able to maintain the sweet fragrance of femininity while women in the west who have been 'liberated' from overbearing male dominance don’t know the first thing about it.

It seems the campaign to flatten any difference that exists between males and females and render all male responses as invalid if not evil is making great progress. But alongside, the confusion of the western woman about her role in the scheme of things increases.

How to be Irresistible to White Men: doing it the Asian women way


So I have been reviewing this e-book from Lisa Marble. I found it to be what some black women need to get into the relationships they say they want.

Some people have argued with the premise; why should black women have to emulate Asian women. To me the answer is very straight forward. Asian women maintain a level of success in the dating and mating game more than any demographic so for that basic fact it would be foolish not to take a look at their modus operandi for pointers.

The other premise which is being argued against is: why do black women have to make themselves appealing to white men. It presses all our black pride buttons in the wrong way I guess. My response is that political correctness can be a real problem to dealing with the real world. If you are a sensible black woman you will put away Political Correctness and get what you want.

I enjoyed the book and got so many pointers from it. Get it, you might learn a thing or two.


Next post is 15th June 2014

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Monday, May 05, 2014

Those Ideas floating around in your head are for something

Please note down the ideas that occur to you in the course of the day, they are important.

You may have as many as 20-30 insights and unique ideas a day, how any of these do you capture in writing or as a voice recording? Make sure you regularly jot down these everyday ideas as well as read over them at intervals. They may look silly or irrelevant but there are gems that are contained. The reason I say this is that those ideas come from your consciousness scanning your environment for the answers to the many questions and challenges that you are facing in all sectors of your life.


Diana Ross and First Husband Robert Ellis Silberstein
 
There is something very amazing about the set up of the human mind and consciousness that means that it is actively looking out for itself, to ensure it has a fulfilling time of life, aligning yourself with this natural and innate ability will support you in reaching important goals and ambitions in life. It will also make achieving your goals easier and faster rather than a battle up hill. As long as a situation 'occurs' to you and is noted as a thing in need of an answer or resolution, your mind will get on the job. It will weigh up the critical points of the challenge or problem and then begin to scan your environment for the right solution. You must learn to support and encourage this innate setting and turn it actively towards making life the best it can be for yourself.

If you are going through a challenge and you are actively thinking about it or it is weighing on your mind, at various points in time in the day, ideas will occur to you. Your mind could also display a variety of solutions for you to consider in a dream, it may even act out an aspect of the scenario when you are in a dream state so you recognize the connection between the solution being presented and the issue you are facing. Take these solutions seriously as they can be ideal and can work for you in real time that is if you can remember them and explore the options contained.

Also your mind tends to sift through dozens of options of 'what you can do', presenting you the ones which are relevant to your situation.

I have personally also found that often even if I think I have forgotten my mind can reach back, right back to recollect previous ideas and solutions that would be of use in the present. So that little piece of research you did sometime ago is not always lost, it can be tucked away just waiting to be rediscovered especially when you are in a state of calm.

Next post is 25th May 2014

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Saturday, April 19, 2014

Dont let paucity of Imagination rob you of a glorious future Part 1


Don’t let Paucity of imagination rob you of a bright and fulfilled future

Failure of imagination (FOI) stands as the second most critical factor denying many of us a bountiful life. The first is laziness. The reason why I place FOI second is that people who are up and doing and who take risks often stumble into a good thing. However with your imagination you can create a vision for your future and then follow after this step by step till you reach your goal.

Caridad and Matthew Modine
One thing I am coming to an awareness of is that if you are consistent in working hard and not being a lazy procrastinator you don’t have to always been on top gear. Your prior efficiency has a way of filling the gaps for you in the case of some lapses or when you are not 100. You will be pleasantly surprised when you expect to put in much energy only to realize that you are reaping the rewards of past hard work when certain things just come together for you or roll into your hands. Also there are what I call 'kingpin' areas in our lives that enable us achieve results across the board. A slim fit body will help you in your career, in dating and romance and with a boost of confidence in a variety of areas of life and so will an educated mind, that's why you need to identify these 'king pin' areas and attend to them.

FOI is the inability to imagine a better future, which is the first step to creating it. If you accept things as they are; in other words, cant imagine a better situation, there is a good chance that your actions and activities will only help entrench the situation you are in permanently. No matter how many times you fall when moving towards a dream for yourself, you must get up, dust up and try again. It could be dieting, having a spouse, a baby, a new job or house, whatever it is, you must get up and keep at it. That’s what life is about anyway, working towards a better future, its an unending cycle until we are over and out.

It is so easy to see the status quo as unmovable and set when actually it can transform.

A few days ago the issue of black girl woes in campuses was raised once again in a face-book group that I am a member of. We all know the story; black girls are shunned by all the males in the school who look past them to other races of women, even the most polished and most put together black girls. We have been talking about this for years now and each time we think about how the individual black woman needs to go off campus to break from the situation, we have even advised black girls to wait it out saying to them that after university men develop more backbone about what they want in women and become less trend-led.

In a way I agree that men who have developed character and individuality are more likely to be open to black women and indeed form the ideal partners for them and this is a plus (black women's interracial unions tend to be the most enduring), but I became a bit worried about the idea of saying to black girls 'wait' especially as being part of the social loop in university goes beyond simply relationships but is so very vital in making connections and networks that serve black women for their career lives etc. Being shunned on the relationship level by their male peers is in a sense an indicator that they will also be left out of important loops when it comes to profitable social and career networks which will impact severely on their career achievements beyond university.

We need a better solution than advising individual black girls to 'wait' or 'go off campus,' what we need as a new culture to prevail where black girls are naturally included as normal and natural parts of the campus ecosystem. It is the failure of imagination as to how this could be achieved including the function of activists who change perception and foster inclusion. And no this isn’t about black women 'doing all the work' and changing social climates isn’t a new phenomenon, indeed working on integration and diversity is something already being done on campuses including for LGBT students and the situation they often face.

It is however not simple to put directly the case of 'black women should be included in the dating options of males on campus.' There is no surer way to possibly put people off you on in the romantic realm than to make it an issue of obligation, fairness and equality. Romance doesn't work like that. I also don’t believe that black girls are without their own inherent attraction there in the men around them. I believe that factors derived from the overarching racio-misogynic setup is producing a screen and filter to the charm, attractiveness and beauty that is to be found in black women and black women can help the situation out effectively just as they can take a wet sponge to a dirty window and remove the grime to let the sunlight through.
 
So if we cant address the issue in terms of 'awareness raising' and the likes, black women must act radically and with stealth to upend the current 'invisibiling' status quo they are experiencing. Black girls need to learn to crash parties, create a brand, a buzz, to put themselves on the map. I am at this point too far removed from the university campus life to even begin to make some useful suggestions but I know that with social media and all the technology available to young people today, a change can be made. If we let it slide or put up with it because of our own failure of imagination as the older sisters, it doesn’t mean that young black girls have to resign to their fate. They should take up the mantle and the charge to carve out a new reality for themselves. It would also be much more effective if a group of black girls understood the issue they faced and combined their efforts to changing things.

I am curious to know any thoughts readers have on what can be done.


I will be away from base for a while so next post is 4th May 2014

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