Wednesday, September 01, 2010

BWE principles for immediate application

If you have ever asked, what does it mean for me to be an individually empowered black women along the lines of BWE, three basic principles of BWE are as follows.

Black women’s overall situation is dire and in need of improvement
This means that it is not a figment of our imagination to point out the issues facing black women and the factors and actors playing a part in it all. It also means that there should be no defending or justifying the status quo or what black women have been forced to become under the current terms, or excusing it or the actors and factors that have created the situation. You will find many black perspective websites doing one or two of these eg excusing or justifying 70% OOW as a choice or saying it isnt irregular and something to 'counter'.

 If as a black woman you are given to justifying or excusing the current existence of black women even by offering the excuse that ‘others face it too’, or by being in denial and claiming, ‘its not that bad,’ then one does wonder if black women’s empowerment is really a concern and priority for you. Does it mean there are no black women thriving or living well now? No. Does it mean that black women do not have a hand in their own undermining? No, but black women have largely been in the receiving end of the social dynamics and even if they have buckled and given in and mimiced the system, they are still its boggest victims.

So recognizing what is going on for and with black women is the first step. Realize that a force (through human agents), is trying to push black women's head under water!
Muledom for black women is struck out from BWE mindset
This means that black women being on earth for the simple aim of servicing the black community, to fix what is broken or to continue to toil and slave even in futility is a no-no within BWE ideology. Many out there claim they are putting black women first or they care about them but are quick to point out how black women should ‘bridge this gap’ or ‘fulfil this role’ etc etc. I strayed unto a website once where a black woman was so indignant that some black women would choose not to stoop and pick up the race burden on their backs. I was like wow! I did not realize that the emancipation Proclamation did not extend to black women, and that whether we like it or not we have to assume the burden for the race. I realized it was no more about moral obligation, the sentiment I get from those upset that some black women have cast down the black race burden is that we were supposed to be enslaved to it like the Galley slaves of the old roman ships that were told, ‘We keep you alive to serve this ship, row well… and live...’ Think about that for a second, as a black women you are not supposed to have a choice but to martyr yourself for your community, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY NO.

A BWE woman is not about being a mule or a food basket for others, no way! She has put away that burden!

Navigating the Current Reality to secure the best deal is key
The current reality requires skill and the acquisition of knowledge to get ahead. As BWE woman you will not be more engrossed with changing the system than about securing a good life in the now for yourself. Heresy? Yes I know it feels like that to many black women who have been conditioned to care for and slave for everyone and feel ashamed for not throwing themselves under the horses hooves for justice for the whole earth! It's strange isnt it, that black women feel peturbed for not supporting with her whole might every and any justice movement going, but others are not burdened with such a moral dilemma and feel no way about dealing decietfully with fellow black female justice seekers.

Black women have carried every justice movement going from feminism to race etc with very little to show for it. This is largely as a result of fighting the good fight with allies who are not true allies but are out to get their issues sorted without considering how black women's needs fit into the picture, thats if they even consider that black women have needs different to theirs to start with! It is self-sabotage for black women to persist in fighting for a justice movement which does not include them and within which members continue to employ and deploy the forces of race and gender oppression against black women!

Navigate the system to your personal advantage dont be a fool!

Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book


Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

15 comments:

Shan said...

Great post. I don't remember the author but I remember reading in a story by an AA author that the black woman is the mule of this world. Sadly, some bw carry that mindset and think that being a strong bw is being the mule, and then wonder why bw are seen as the least feminine. I think this has a lot to do with as to why bm masculinity is praised while bw femininity is mocked and devalued. At this point bw have no one to blame but ourselves.

Nicole Little said...

Hi, everybody. I'm sorry for not commenting. My computer is stolen and I'm at the Free Library computer. I just want to let everybody know that I'm planning on writing a book called "BLACK WOMEN, GET OUT OF THE BLACK COMMUNITY!", and it's based on this post. I'm on the process of doing that, and I need some help on how to create it, publish it, or what have you. Keep me in prayer.

Anonymous said...

I think the BWEs are coming across: I've been seeing black women with white men lately, and their not 'white trash' types either..most black women are educated and are finding how to take advantage of their degrees besides being 'mules'

Tee said...

Halima:

I have been reading your blog for quite a while. You are very talented, and you are a great help to Black women who want to better themselves.

Reading your blog, Khadija's, and the other Ladies, I have made improvements in how I relate to other people. Mostly those who would like to impose on my personal time.

I have learned from all of you that if I am not available for anybody's latest crisis, the world will not end.

Fantastic essay, and I will be commenting here again.

Peace,

Tee

Bellydancer said...

"If as a black woman you are given to justifying or excusing the current existence of black women even by offering the excuse that ‘others face it too’, "

I argued with a poster on another board about this very same issue.
What About Our Daughters published an article called Stop The War on Black Girls and this poster objected to the title that I posted on this particular board and said and I quote"I don't like the title either. I initially thought I was going to read a different type of article, something like the images of Black females in media or something. It's not a race issue, it happens in all groups."
Basically dismissing the whole point of the post which was about the gang rape of a retarded girl who was pimped out by her own sister. Then another knucklehead chimed in with" That's all that I was saying, people. Why turn child rape into a black thing when it happens to all races?" "This is an awful thing and the people responsible for this deserve the worst kind of punishment. But I do object to the title of this thread because most of the time when you read about this kind of stuff it happens to white kids....and black people usually aren't even involved."
Ah but black men were involved and these idiots were more upset about the title of the thread as opposed to the crime intself. The first quote was by a black woman who is married to a white man but actually acts as a apologist for the black men on the board, the second is a black man who often makes misogynist statements about black and american women in general. He later on stated that other women on the board were thriving on victimization and that we were turning it into a race issue. Well guess what it is a race issue when you are trying to destroy your own race by raping a retarded child and dismissing it by claiming oh so what women are raped all the time. People who become desensitized to violence will not be able to assist you or may even ridicule you or enable others to harm you. The black women poster claims she teaches Women's Studies which means she should know better but being educated does not make you smart.

Anonymous said...

A lot of black women are getting it but not enough. The fact of the matter is that black women probably benefit from interracial relationships MORE than anybody. Not probably...they do. Things will change with the next generation but some will benefit from this generation. I cant wait to see the way things are in 5 years. I see plenty of interacial bf/wm couples walking around in NYC and a couple of other major cities but mostly in NYC they are everywhere...

Black women unfortunately dont know their power. White women know their power and use it to their advantage. Black women need to learn from white women. White women know that black women have power that they dont use out there in the world.

The more sophisticated and intuned black women are catching on...

Anonymous said...

A lot of black women are getting it but not enough. The fact of the matter is that black women probably benefit from interracial relationships MORE than anybody. Not probably...they do. Things will change with the next generation but some will benefit from this generation. I cant wait to see the way things are in 5 years. I see plenty of interacial bf/wm couples walking around in NYC and a couple of other major cities but mostly in NYC they are everywhere...
I'M WITH YOU THIS THIS ONE. BW, ARE BENEFITING FROM IR LOVE MORE THEN ANY OTHER OUT THEIR THAT'S WHY MORE BW NEED TO START DATING MORE MANS OF OTHER RACE'S, CUZ IT HELPS THE BW IN WORLD AND GIVES HER ALOT OF WHAT WW HAVE THATS POWER SO TOO ALL BW OUT THERE OPEN YOUR EYES AND START THINGING LIKE SMART WOMAN CUZ THE BALL IS IN YOUR HANDS SO JUST THROW IT RIGHT THIS TIME AROUND.

Salli said...

I do see more Black Women are getting it. Also , As BW, when we start to see benefits and how life is so much better with quality non-black men believe me, even of they come out a say they want a WM, they will definitely take it in consideration. Also, as more of us date IR, our friends will start to want to hang out because the places we go to are uplifitng and most positive people want to be around uplifting individuals. Even negative people who do not want to really be negative but sometimes van get stuck in a rut will start to see they have other options for a more uplifting life.

Southland Diva said...

ITA Halima,

Black women have been sold a bill of goods with regard to our responsibilities to the black community. Being a martyr to the needs of family and community is looked upon as something noble and worthy, while attending to your own needs and prospects for your own life are looked upon as selfish and uppity. It’s like a weird club where being taken advantage of, dumped on and disrespected is the price of admission.

This is NOT a club I ever want to join!

Thanks to the internetz, women in disparate places across the country and the globe can find like minded people and confirm they are not 1) crazy and 2) alone. More and more women are waking up to the fact that we are in charge of our destiny. Not black men, not white women, not white men; no one but us. What we choose in our lifetime will affect how our children live. Securing the means to live well for ourselves, family, and like-mined friends (does not include leaches, bums, players and thugs) is not selfish, it is sensible. It is what every other woman on the face of the planet does!

I agree with the principles articulated in this post. Granted, BW/IR and BWE blogs may differ in perspectives and topics, but true BW/IR and BWE bloggers should agree with the basic tenants listed.

I don’t comment often, but I read your blog regularly; your post irt Pan-Africanist leaders was simply awesome!!!

Thank you for all you do.

Pamela said...

I had a conversation with a co-worker yesterday afternoon. She was talking about her fraternal niece and nephew. I believe they are 5 years old. The girl is pretty compliant but the boy is always into some mess. The girl tends to try and explain why her brother does what he does. I thought to myself 'this girl barely knows how to read but is learning how to make excuses for her disobedient brother'. It was amazing to hear this.

I did not say anything about that at the time. The co-worker nor I have children and the context was dealing with how twins relate to each other, not the plight of bw. However I did think that you cannot start too young in training girls about life. At least I know that the co-worker is not the type to excuse the foibles of her black male relatives. She is NOT a mule by any means.

We grown gals are the ones that will be the examples for the younger ones coming up, especially those that are mothers of little girls. Teaching the points mentioned here are key in seeing things turn around. Also more and more bw seeing those of us in wonderful marriages with men that are not of their hue will show others that it is possible to enjoy life IR. I tell people that sweetness comes in all shades:)

Pamela said...

I forgot to mention that critical thinking for bw is mandatory for a successful life. One must evaluating things detached from emotion as much as possible and see the results of taking different courses of action. If a bw is not happy with where they are, they need to admit that decisions not made will continue the madness they are in. Only changing how they live and what decisions are made will change things for the better.

Shan said...

I wised up and pretty much learned a lesson but I learned it dealing with family members. I am older than two of my brothers by about 5 years. We are well into our adulthood now, but growing up of course I took care of them and made sure they did their homework while my mother worked. Once I finished college and started working one of them entered college, so I would send him baskets with goodies every semester before exams. Because our mother made little money and our father wasn't around anytime he needed money for books (usually school related) I gave it to him and didn't require that he pay all of it back because he was in school and making little to no money himself.

That continued until he finished undergrad. So he is trying to be successful and that's a blessing to our family, but I had to wise up to some things. Every year I would call and send a birthday card. Now neither one of them has ever sent me a birthday card. They will call and say happy bday, but wouldn't go out of their way to send a card. That pretty much stopped as of late. One of them didn't even call to wish me a happy bday and the other one just posted a happy bday message on my facebook page which was very impersonal. The one that posted the message called a week later to tell me that he graduated from grad and I was very happy of course but couldn't call to tell me happy bday.

OK, I believe that its boiled down to jealousy. It used to be unheard of but it seems as if men are much more prone to jealousy of women. I moved to LA to pursue acting. Before I moved he used the bible to try to discourage me from going saying things like a lot of pretty girls are in hell and stuff like that. I saw right through that. He hid behind the bible because he didn't want me to be in a position to "take care of the family." Well, I ended doing a few movies that were posted on facebook. He said that he would call to see what the movies are about. That was months ago. He hasn't called yet. Not only am I now producing my own movies, but I was on a game show and won lots of money. He had nothing to say about that too.

I have learned that when you get in positions of power and doing big things, you really do see the true colors of people who are suppose to want the best for you. Even if he isn't jealous, I think he is embarrassed that after all of his negativity, I still made movies, won money and on top of that still kept my sanity and didn't get caught up in the hollywood lifestyle.

Felicia said...

Shan said...

"OK, I believe that its boiled down to jealousy. It used to be unheard of but it seems as if men are much more prone to jealousy of women."

I mentioned this issue of jealousy a few months back. It's the natural order amongst the male species (in humans and lower animals) to compete against each other.

However, in the modern "bc", gender roles have been turned upside down in large part. Therefor, many BM feel that they're in competition with BW instead of men.

They know that they as group will never measure up to WM and other non BM with actual power on this planet, therefor they attempt to "compete" with BW. We have become their "rivals".

Yes, it's perverted. But that's what irks a lot of BM about this BWE thing. Especially as it relates to the BW/non BM (and especially BW/WM) relationship issue.

They absolutely DO NOT under any circumstances wish the number of BW marrying and procreating out to grow.

Because it's the only thing they feel they can "beat" BW at. (Again they know they can't beat non BM for anything of significance) And they want to feel that they've "won" at something.

Powerful WM, AM and other non BM have won the world, the best resources, and the ability to control the thinking of powerless men. They call the shots and weaker men follow.

So... to make a long story short BW need not be surprised at the ingratitude and lack of support they experience by BM. Even sometimes family members.

It's about jealousy. BW would be better served cultivating relationships (romantic and platonic) with secure people.

When a person is secure and happy with themselves and their position in life, they naturally are happy and supportive of others.

Shan said...

Thank you Felicia. I didn't start seeing bm and people for who they are until I started reading this blog. The thing is that's ironic is that bw never had a problem going up against ww, no matter the avenue whether its, beauty pageants, modeling, coporate world, regular jobs. Even though the things women pursue are slightly different than men. Even if a ww is chosen or if the odds are against us, we don't back away from it or throw a pity party or blame the system or white people. We handle our business and keep trucking.

Now I can't possibly understand what it's like to be in bm shoes since I am not a bm, but if bw can make things happen for themselves and handle their business with ww being put on a pedestal then there is no reason that bm as a whole should not be able to handle their business even if wm are running most things.

Anonymous said...

Hmph....let the white women act slutty..do you know what 'Hannah Montana' is doing? it ain't pretty! as long as we black women start to act like ladies, we have nothing to worry about attracting men of other races..